Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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