I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize