these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
