It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
