"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
