listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
