Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
