I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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