I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
