my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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