Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
