Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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