Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
