remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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