I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he was CRYING into my vagina
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Panties = found
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