Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
