I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
