I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
