Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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