why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
