we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I am full of burrito and curiosity
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
