I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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