I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
