There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Please, let me fuck your mom
he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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