fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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