Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
