Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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