I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
