i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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