So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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