how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize