Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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