TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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