the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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