I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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