When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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