I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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