He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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