please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize