we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
did you just send me my own nude
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
