one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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