Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
