There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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