hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
