toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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