I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
