it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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