I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
