Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
and she was petting her beer can
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
