So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
