living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
