Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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