I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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