I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
