I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
