between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
