And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
