guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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