Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
