I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You may now shotgun with the bride
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
