it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
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I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
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