i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
