he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
