Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
