Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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