this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
