zippers are such a cool invention
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I am naked and annoyed.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
