If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
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I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
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I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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