I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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