i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
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So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
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Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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