Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
