gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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