They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
